Happy Valentine's Day indeed! Uwe Boll has just sent us all a great big sloppy love letter!

Just days after having seen the trailer for Uwe Boll's TUNNEL RATS appear online, here comes the first official trailer for FAR CRY, Uwe Boll's loosely based adaptation of the popular video game I've never played. In my brief write-up about the TUNNEL RATS trailer I wrote that I thought the trailer gave of a hint of a Cannon Films vibe. Having just watched the FAR CRY trailer I can say with 1000% percent certainty that Uwe Boll is channeling Golan-Globus. Seriously, I haven't seen this much use of a dank industrial complex as the primary setting for an action flick since Cannon went kaput.

I'm still not entirely sure what the plot to FAR CRY is but apparently it has to do with Udo Kier as a mad scientist who has created a line of economically-priced Universal Soldiers, one of which, a bald guy - who looks like he's one steroid cycling and some better ring attire away from debuting in the wrestling entertainment - has gone haywire.

Ralf Moeller, AKA the bad guy from the equally underrated piece of cinematic kung fu cheese BEST OF THE BEST 2, also collects a paycheck as one of the super soldiers that look like really mean personal trainers.

But most importantly, FAR CRY marks the first English-language starring role for German action star Til Schweiger. He only speaks two or three lines in the whole trailer but if the sounds of his phonetically spoken lines are any indication, we may have ourselves a new marble-mouthed European b-movie action star in the making.

Also keep an eye out for appearances by veteran character actor Don S. Davis, sometimes actor Michael Pare, and current b-movie leading lady of the moment, Emmanuelle Vaugier, in a role that just screams "BIMBO LOVE INTEREST!" I bet you somewhere Jean-Claude Van Damme watches that "Is that your gun line?" and kicks himself for having never had one of his leading ladies use that line in one of his movies.

Enough with the hyperbole, I now command you to watch the trailer for FAR CRY; unquestionably the most schlocksational looking action movie trailer I've seen his NEVER BACK DOWN. I've provided it below so you have no links to not click on and no excuses not to watch. Do so now.

I, for one, cannot wait for this to go straight-to-DVD. Sorry, Dr. Boll, but I'm just not sold on this getting a theatrical release, especially after IN THE NAME OF THE KING failed to even crack the top ten despite an all-star cast. Regardless, BOLL STAYS!